How To Be Classy Like Me: Baking A Bundt Cake

In this installment of “How To Be Classy Like Me” we’re going to tackle baking. There are a few things you need to know before we start. Be prepared for the Queen of England to ask you to make her a cake for her next royal event. This in turn will make you so in demand that you’ll have to open a full time bakery, followed by making millions. So, if you want to make millions and meet the Queen of England then follow my directions precisely. If you don’t, I can’t guarantee you millions. If you do…I still can’t guarantee you millions but I can guarantee you the awe and admiration of all those you encounter that it might at least taste decent.

To be super classy you must start by realizing you literally have almost nothing in your kitchen to bake with. Because you have no butter, and no eggs, you consult a vegan cookbook. Everyone knows vegan baking is what classy people eat anyway.

After consulting Veganomicon you find a coconut lemon bundt cake and realize it’s the only recipe you have everything for. Except for lemons. Minor detail, you have limes. Or oranges. Or whatever.

Next heat your oven up and get your bundt pan out. If you need to grease it so it doesn’t stick, do it. If you have a non-stick one like I do, high-five.

Now look at your ingredients and directions and mix all that shit together. Why? Because it says to. Also, this is the part of baking you don’t totally suck at. You can mix. You can mix with the best of them. Why? You’re classy, of course.

Put that cake in the oven and set the timer. Do not forget to set the timer. You wouldn’t anyway, you’re awesome. Once a knife (or a fork, spoon handle, spatula, whatever) comes out clean your cake is done. Take it out of the oven. Admire it’s beauty. Now let it sit for about ten to fifteen minutes. DON’T TOUCH IT or try and flip it out.

In the mean time get your super pretty cake stand out that you’ve never used before. Or maybe you have, I don’t really know, I’m not in your kitchen. What I do now is that I had never used mine before. I got it over a year ago. That’s how often I bake cakes. At least, that’s how often I bake cakes that I don’t eat directly from the pan with a fork. Don’t worry, it’s a contemporary classy looking fork.

Once your cake cools to the specified time, put your cake stand over the pan and flip it. When it doesn’t flip out because it’s still too hot don’t wait for it to cool further. All you need to do is hit your cake pan like, fifteen times. Classy women don’t loose their cool, so hit your pan with a smile on your face. Even when your non-stick bundt pan totally messes your cake up, you remain calm and collected and do not at all swear or say things like “What the f….”. Also, classy women don’t mess up so make sure you blame your cake sticking on the brand new (year old but never used) non-stick pan, not on the fact that you didn’t let it cool enough. You need to be an accountable woman, you need to take responsibility for your actions, but this was clearly the pans fault. Blame it on the inanimate object you classy broad.

No one will ever know if you carefully pick up the broken piece of of your bundt cake, and then smash it back into the cake. Also, ignore any massive cracks you may have made when you hit the ever loving life out of your bundt pan…and it fell onto the counter instead of your cake stand. You don’t want to upstage other bakers anyway. Being the classy lady you are it’s good once in a while to prove you are also flawed—you know, or at least let other people believe you are (we know you aren’t).

When in doubt, regain that your cake is awesome by taking a photo of the part of it that isn’t cracked. Damn, you’re good.

The next, and final, step of baking an awesome cake like a classy woman is to cover up all of your mistakes with powdered sugar. Or at least try.

When that doesn’t work just cut it into pieces before you serve it. When someone picks up the piece that you smashed back into place and it breaks, compliment your guest on their strength and that you thought it looked like they had been working out.

You are good. You are really good. I’m proud of you, you classy woman. Keep on baking. Before you know it you’ll be making those millions.

Or just eating a ton of cake. Either way, you win.

xo,

Heather

Despite the fact that I do know how to drink wine like the lady I am, I was not drunk when I baked this. I wasn’t even tipsy. I didn’t even have anything to drink. I really am just that bad at baking, and I like to make fun of it. That said, the flavor of this was absolutely delicious.

Also, vegan baking is actually absolutely awesome. I really love it, even more so than normal baking most of the time. Veganomicon is a fantastic cook book to have around and this cake (yes it does exist) is unbelievable, even made with lime. I highly suggest it.

Oh, and if you want to see drunk cooking  I suggest this girl. Her YouTube channel is hands down my absolute favorite. It makes me crack up laughing every. single. time.

9 thoughts on “How To Be Classy Like Me: Baking A Bundt Cake

  1. That looks good! I needed this about two months ago when I was on an angel food cake kick. I now have a battle scar on my boob/chest from my bundt cake pan. Note to self: Let the pan sit for 10-15 minutes and don’t try to flip it out, especially when the husband is on his way in the door.
    I’m still nursing my wound with Vitamin E cream. Its slowly going away 🙂

    1. Excuse me while I crack up laughing thinking of a bundt boob battle scar (though really, ouch haha).

      xo,
      Heather

  2. This is hilarious. Mostly because I think I’m as classy as you! With the addition of powdered sugar, I laughed out loud! 🙂

    PS – I can’t remember how I found your blog, but I love it. And I’m jealous you live in Maine! My husband and I went to Kennebunkport for our honeymoon (2 months ago today!), and we loved it!

    1. Aww nice! Congrats on your wedding! I’m so glad this made you laugh. Classy broads for life.

      Xo,
      Heather

  3. Honey, there is no baking so awful that you can’t save it with powdered sugar or frosting. Sort of like SPACKLE hiding a multitude of sins in DIY.
    Love MOM

  4. I bake weekly and (usually) love it but there are those days where the baked goods put up a real fight. I grease the everloving shite out of my ‘non-stick’ bakeware because I don’t trust it from past experience. On another note: I LOVE your cake pedestal!

  5. “Now look at your ingredients and directions and mix all that shit together.”

    “When someone picks up the piece that you smashed back into place and it breaks, compliment your guest on their strength and that you thought it looked like they had been working out.”

    AHAHAHA. People at work think I’m crazy right now, but I don’t care. This post was hilarious, and refreshingly real — which I like!

    I once made a double-layer cake from scratch following a Martha Stewart recipe. I took each layer out of the round pan and let them cool. Then, I stacked them (with icing in between) and started to frost the whole cake only to realize the top layer had a huge crack down the middle. Wouldn’t you know I was supposed to “level” the cakes with a knife before stacking them? After like 2 hours of work, the whole thing was broken and I ultimately just broke it up, put it in a bowl with the icing and turned it into some sort of mushed up cake dessert you had to eat from a bowl. It was ugly, but boy did it taste good! 🙂

    1. Mushed up cake dessert you had to eat from a bowl! I love it. Class at it’s finest.

      xo,
      Heather

  6. Love making bundt cakes but never tried a coconut-lemon one. Must try now.
    Every time I use a new baking pan my cake looks “classy” (ahem) . So I will remember the tip about “guest strength” .. very useful.

    I want to be all classy like you!!!!!!!

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