I have an announcement to make.
I’m going to live in a yurt until my house is done.
It’s become apparent to me that I cannot handle renovations – and renovations haven’t even begun. After patiently waiting over four years for renovations to start, Andy informed me this morning we have an ETA of May 1st for the start of the addition. Immediately I felt dizzy and sweaty, and not because it’s 75 and I’m wearing a long sleeve sweater.
I don’t know how to explain that I have utter and total faith in my husband, and I can’t wait to see how our new house will look—I’ve been dreaming of it—but I utterly hate moving and change and although we’re going nowhere literally I feel like this is a huge huge move. I’m not scared of run-on sentences however. Due to this hate of change, any time something might happen that was not within my realm of possibilities in my head my reflex is to say “no! I don’t like that” or “no! I can’t” or “no! I don’t want to”. If it might mean big change, and I hadn’t had seven thousand years to mull it over, I will say no. I have this “glue strip” in my head. It means I get an idea in there and if that doesn’t happen it’s like pulling a bandaid from a fresh wound. It just hurts. I am aware I do this though, so I have to make a conscious effort not to think of anything in definite terms.
Most of the time.
So I am beginning to understand why my husband is always hesitant to talk to me about the house and why when I start asking questions he tends to stop talking to me about it. He does this for a living, I on the other hand, do not. I have no idea what is about to happen in my life.
And I don’t like it.
I like knowing what’s happening.
And when it’s happening.
And how it’s happening.
And I am a self admitted control freak.
And I do not like it.
And I try not to be.
And I think me asking so many questions comes off as me questioning my husbands talent, and his capabilities and his ability to make me a house I will drool over. I’m pretty sure this frustrates both of us because this is not what my intentions are. My intentions are to try and be reassured so I can have some grasp of some sort of semblance of what’s about to happen to me.
This must be one of those things that’s a lot scarier to think about than it is once you do it.
So that, is why I’m moving into a yurt for the summer….and why I write this blog. So I can get my stress out without being overwhelmed and snappy. I think it’s best for everyone if I just let my super talented husband build our house and I stay out of it. It might be the only way to come out with my sanity and marriage in tact on the other side.
Until it comes to my kitchen.
Then I’ll be back. Because I mean, it’s my kitchen.
Uhg. You know what, just let me pick out the appliances and then I’ll go back to my yurt for the winter.
Someone get me a wood stove.
photo from here