Please Stop Poaching Unicorns For Your Table

The holidays are approaching, more like two days away, and I have noticed something in the blog world.

Table Settings.

First off,  if you love table settings I give props to the fact you have patience to do them, and I thank you because I really love seeing the ideas and how they look. It makes me laugh that I am apparently this out of the loop on this whole thing.

Second, am I the only blogger, or woman out there, who does not do table settings? I once went to a dinner party with the most beautiful setting. I wasn’t sure whether to take a photo or actually eat. It gave me slight anxiety that I might spill something and ruin the look of the scape. Then I decided that if I spilled something I would just have to spill something at everyone else’s seat. At least it would be symmetrical.

I’m guessing my lack of table settings is at least partially because any holiday family get together has 20-30 people. That’s a lot of raffia to wrap around twigs, bundled with your fork, knife and spoon with a single pine cone in the middle of each plate. At our house you will be filled with hot comfort food and laughter. If you’re lucky you may even get a cold beer. Or wine served in a mason jar. With ice if it’s so your thing. You fancypants McIceWine. When it’s time to get served, we all grab our plates, head into the kitchen, fill up and meet at the table.

This all said, I have learned a few things about table settings:

  • There are things called chargers which, may I inform you if you are as under informed as I was, that is is a plate type item that you place on underneath of your plate. There is no use except for decor purposes to said charger. I suggest at all costs using mirrors so you can utilize them to make sure you don’t have anything in your teeth.
  • Burlap is a huge thing for table runners. Good God do bloggers love burlap. I’m no exception, I have 30 yards of it (yes, thirty yards) at my house from my wedding. If you want a yard, let me know. I even have some table runners we made for the wedding still. I should put those things on Etsy.
  • Twigs in a jar, pine cones, and other oddities of nature, like unicorn horns, often make it to the table. Please stop poaching unicorns for your table.
  • Someday I’m going to fill a mason jar with rocks. Then when people ask what it is I can say, “It’s a mason jar with rocks”, or make up some story about how the particular rocks transcended my design choices by using subconscious color and other nonsense. As I wrote that I realized I really did choose my paint colors based on a handful of our stone walkway. Son of a bee sting.
  • People have far more storage in their home for table accessories than I do.
  • I have almost no storage in my house.
  • Made up tables look really nice, but where do you put the food?
  • How do you eat and talk with a bundle of twigs in the middle of the table?
  • What is this leafy stuff on my plate, do I eat it or is it part of the decor?
  • Can I actually use this napkin? It looks pretty nice.

You see where I’m going with this? I cannot possibly be the only woman out there who enjoys entertaining, but puts little emphasis on a perfect tablescape because she finds it slightly useless and slightly anxiety provoking to make perfect.

I guess I just like to keep food as food and not confuse the matter with a plate of pine cones.

If you come to my house and I have a plate of pinecones out on the dinner table they are edible.

Or the dog brought it in.

I’d ask first.

Here’s to those who know how to make a beautiful table setting, and have the patience to do it. As for me and my house, I raise a cold beer to you while I stir a pot of hot chowder.

Happy Thanksgiving!



2 thoughts on “Please Stop Poaching Unicorns For Your Table

  1. This made me laugh. I’m the same. I like a bunch of flowers in the middle of a table if I’m feeling fancy but THAT’s IT. (or candles…).

    Besides, that soup you just posted looks so delicious I’m sure your food is the star of the show,

    1. Haha thank you! Flowers are my fancy too. My grandmother read this and told me she agreed because you needed room for the food. We love to eat in this family, what can I say.

      My cooking is definitely a down-home comfort food style. I like food that makes you want to slow down and enjoy right where you’re at. It’s mostly pretty healthy, with the exception of my adoration of butter now and again. 😉


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